By the numbers

I just spent three days organizing the bills. Three days. No sunlight, little sleep, and lots of sugar. I hadn't updated the bills in four months, and trying to catch up was a nightmare. Hopefully I won't let that happen again.

Some interesting statistics:

• Room nights sold in August: 16
• Occupancy percentage in August: 13%
• Occupancy rate required to break-even: 27%
• Target occupancy: 40%
• Room nights booked for Septemer: 13
• Bank fees (including credit card interest) in August: $1,120.62
• Bank fees accumulated over the previous eight years: $1,192.90
• Amount spent on "entertainment" in August: $8.88
• Amount spent on "entertainment" in July: $14.82
• Percentage of income to expenses: 615% (meaning we spent 6 times more than we made, every month, for the last 18 months)
• Percentage of income to expenses before the renovation: 28%
• How far over budget we are: Budget? What budget?

Percentage of costs to date
Existing farm debt	8.12%
Interior Paint	6.42%
Septic	5.65%
Electric	5.53%
Furniture	4.93%
Roofing and Gutters	4.75%
Finish carpentry	2.77%
Windows	2.70%
Materials	2.48%
Masonry	2.39%
Interior Demolition	2.22%
Floors	2.14%
Exterior Finish Carpentry	2.13%
Interior Framing	2.06%
General Conditions	1.85%
Plumbing Fixtures	1.72%
Farm maintenance	1.68%
Driveway	1.62%
Plumbing	1.58%
Workshop	1.49%
Landscaping	1.38%
Heating	1.36%
Septic Permit	1.29%
HVAC	1.25%
Kitchen Cabinetry	1.03%
Exterior Paint	0.93%
Security System	0.86%
Retaining wall	0.76%
Other	26.91%

Our life's savings, as a pie chart

GDS

First, the good news: We're now listed in the "Global Distribution System," which is what all travel agents use, including Orbitz, Expedia, and Travelocity.

Now the bad news: In Orbitz, if you search for hotels in Lititz, we're on the bottom of the second page! And we're the only "hotel" listed that is actually in Lititz!

But wait, it gets better.

None of the photos show up, the map shows us being a mile from where we actually are, it doesn't display the cottages, and it asks if you want a smoking room or a handicap-accessible room, even though we don't provide either!

And I paid a lot of money for this.

I think we're listed so low because Orbitz "assigned" us a two-star rank, presumably because we don't offer many amenities--just a clean, comfortable room in a knock-your-socks-off building. But perhaps I could take some creative license with those amenities, since there's no strict definition:

• That creek running through the property could be called a "swimming pool."
• The quarter-mile track might qualify as a "fitness center."
• The dining room can be used as a "conference room" or, better yet, a "business center."
• We include a loofah sponge and rubber ducky with the whirlpool baths, so that's "spa services."
• I can be the "concierge," since I'm usually just hanging around giving out useless facts, anyway.
• Plus I've been toying with the idea of offering a continental breakfast in the Paymaster's Office, so that's "room service."

Not sure how I can include "restaurant," but with a little creativity (and absolutely no actual work), I think I could provide every amenity offered!

Expedia is a similarly mixed bag--if you search on Lititz, we're the only result., but if you search on Lancaster, we don't show up at all.

Social gaffes

You knew it wouldn't take long for me to assemble a collection of stupid things I've done at the B&B:

• I was collecting plates to serve the main course, and found one guest had put her bread crust on the dinner plate. Rather than take the plate into the kitchen and dispose of the crust, I picked up her knife and pushed the crust onto her bread plate. Half-way through I realized what a horrible thing I was doing, but it was too late to stop.
• I had a reservation for "Henry" and a man arrived at the B&B and introduced himself as "Hank." I just stared blankly at him, waiting for him to tell me why he was there. After about 30 seconds of silence, he asked me if I was the innkeeper, and I said yes. After another 30 seconds of silence, he said he had a reservation, and I almost told him no, he didn't, until my brain finally kicked in.
• One guest called and told me he'd be arriving around 10pm, and I fell asleep in the library waiting for him. When his knocking roused me, I met him at the door in full zombie mode: I didn't have him sign in, I didn't give him his room key, and I didn't show him where anything was or how to work anything in the room. (I'm lucky I showed him the right room.) The only thing I remember telling him was, "You're welcome to use the tub." What kind of stupid thing is that to tell a guest?

Coming next week: "Social Gaffes II: Will Blunders Never Cease"

Non Sequitor

Paymaster pics

Okay, this will strike terror into the couple that have the Paymaster reserved for September 23, but it's really coming together nicely. The walls are all finished and the floors will be done tomorrow. The whirlpool bath will then be installed and Ralph Steech will set the tile on the surround. Matt is in there every day working on the prep and painting for the windows, and Darin at Village Glass has found a new source for old glass and is restoring the windows. Mike had to patch some of the wall because of carpenter ants, but they stained it so well that you can't even tell. The electricians will be here next week (September 6, I think) to do final electrical, the alarm guy will be here right after the electricians, and the plasterer--well, I'm still not sure when he'll be here, but he'll be here. Olde York Homes is building the kitchen counter and Dawn has already bought the sink, stove, microwave, and refrigerator. The gutters, heat pump, water heater, and gas lines are already installed. The bed frame is here and the mattresses have been ordered. I do have to order some more linens, but that only takes a week, and we have to schedule Joel to install a door lock. He'll probably install that they day before it's ready, just like he did for the Summer Kitchen.

The vaulted ceiling and massive brick fireplace

Future site of a Sanijet pipeless whirlpool bath

The paymaster's window, where forge employees were paid 200+ years ago

The vaulted ceiling, probably done around 1880

The view of the farm from the Paymaster's Office (on a gloomy day)

The view of the creek (we own all the land on the other side, so we don't have to worry about any subdivisions going up)

Frustration

It's not like I don't have enough to do. I'm making breakfast, cleaning rooms, doing laundry, answering calls, balancing seven checkbooks (don't ask), updating the web site, designing brochures, and meeting with bankers and insurance reps and the occasional 'drop-in' tourist. With so much going on, I decided to buy a new property management system to automate reservations and save me some time. Instead I'm having to spend more time fixing all of the problems it has created!

Last week I discovered I had four rooms that were double-booked, meaning two people had confirmed reservations for the same room on the same night! I talked to another innkeeper who said she had one double-booking in 10 years, and here I have four in as many weeks! I found out that even though I asked the new system--twice--to sync with my old system, it never did. Delving into it further, I also found out that the new system isn't even syncing with itself--the reservations I book manually aren't blocked out on the Internet, so someone else could still get double-booked!

Of course, finding these reservations was no simple task because the new system doesn't even give me an "activity report" to see who is coming and going. It only tells me what's happening today, which is a little late if I need to do any preparation. For example, I promised one guest I'd put flowers in his room for his wife's birthday, and I made a note with the reservation. Good thing I stumbled upon the note yesterday, because the new system wouldn't have reminded me until the guest was checking in today!

Then while I was freaking out about this, a friend wrote to say she was messing with the reservation system and asked for a September date, and it came back with rooms in December! I haven't been able to duplicate this, but it scares the heck out of me that people are trying to book a room, and can't!

So yesterday I had to call four people and tell them I couldn't honor their reservations. One I couldn't move because we are booked for Labor Day weekend; another wanted a cottage and I only have one right now; the third wanted a king-size bed and I only have one of those, and the last one I never heard back from. His reservation is for tomorrow, so I hope he got my message and doesn't just show up!

I also got a call from a women who had booked the Paymaster's Office for the end of August, and then saw my journal entry saying it wouldn't be ready until the end of September. I found out that even though I had blocked out the Paymaster until September 25th, you can still book it online. (Please don't, though.)

As you can see, there is nothing funny about this. I'm frustrated and annoyed, my guests are frustrated and annoyed, and the problems still aren't fixed. I'm not sure what lesson is to be learned here: Don't change horses in the middle of the stream? Do more research before committing to a product? Test everything thoroughly? Or just use pencil and paper and forget about this new-fangled web stuff? I don't know. All I know is that I'd rather take calls to make reservations, than have to make calls to cancel them.

P.S. Nobody is going to book a room online after reading this. Sometimes I am such an idiot.

Vandalism

In an amazing coincidence that even had the state trooper asking what we had done (in a cosmic sense) to deserve this, we suffered two acts of vandalism yesterday, one on the east coast and one on the west coast.

We are presuming it was not the same people.

At our house in Los Angeles, some kids broke in through the office window. Finding the place empty save for a box of baking soda in the pantry, they sprinkled the baking soda all over the carpets. Obviously not the brightest vandals, because now our carpets smell fresh and clean. However, to get out they used the french doors without unlocking them, and broke the locking mechanism. Our neighbor is going to fix that this weekend.

Meanwhile, in Lancaster, some kids in a pickup truck (we presume) drove into, and knocked down, the little "house" holding our sign. This was not an accident, because then they came up the driveway and did the same thing to our mailbox. Fortunately they didn't do anything to the solar lights I just installed this week. (I suspect it was so late that the solar lights had already turned off, and were thus spared.)

So there you have it, instant karma for something we have no idea what we did. Fortunately nothing that a couple of hours and a little paint won't fix, although now we're going to put the mailbox on a metal post, so next time this happens there's going to be some truck damage as well.

By the way, this Sunday is the "Taste of Britain" car show and polo match, in Rothsville (about 8 miles from us). Features MGs, Jaguars, Bentleys, Triumphs, etc. $5 admission. Dawn went last year and had a great time.

Things to do

A list of upcoming events in and around Lancaster County.

Plays and shows

• Through September 16 - "Buddy" at Dutch Apple Dinner Theatre, about Buddy Holly.
• Through August 26 - The Mystery of Irma Vep at the Ephrata Playhouse in the Park
• Through August 26 - Elizabethtown Fair
• September 21 – November 4 - My Fair Lady at Dutch Apple Dinner Theatre

August

• August 20-26 - Light & Fountain Show - "Symphonic Springs"- - Lititz Springs Park, 9 p.m. Free admission.
• August 26 & 27 - Community Days at Lancaster Airport - Saturday 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Sunday 10 a.m.-4 p.m. - Air Show on August 26 at 1 p.m. (Rain date August 27.) Free.
• August 25 - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Concert at Giant Center in Hershey
• August 25-26 - 7th Annual New Holland Summer Fest Barbecue Cook-off, 12pm-9pm. Music on Friday at 7pm and Saturday starting at 1pm. $1 admission.
• August 25-27 - Corvettes at Carlisle Fairgrounds
• August 26 - Sweet Corn Festival at Cherry-Crest Farm (Rain date: September 2)
• August 26 - WW II Hangar Dance - 8-11:30 p.m. - Doors open at 7:30 p.m. $15
• August 26 - Ray Owen, award-winning Songwriter/ Entertainer at the Twin Brooks winery Gazebo concert. $10
• August 26 - The Headliners (top 40 variety, from 60's thru 90's) at Nissley Vineyard lawn concert, 7pm. $14.
• August 26th - The Juggling Sons at the Moon Dancer winery, just over the Susquehanna. 6-9pm, $10.
• August 26 & 27 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• August 27 - C. J. Chenier and The Red Hot Louisiana Band at 7:30 pm. Free.

September

• September 1 - First Friday - Admission is free to more than 25 downtown galleries and museums. 5pm-8pm; trolly operates 6-8pm.
• September 2 - Flashlight Maze at Cherry-Crest Farm
• September 2 - Strasburg Rail Road’s new Wine & Cheese Train, 7pm. (Call for reservations, as this sells out quickly.)
• September 1-4 - The 28th Annual Long's Park Arts & Craft Festival. "One of America’s top 10 fine art and craft shows." $8-12 (save $2 by ordering tickets online.)
• September 2 - Mr. Z & The Nightshift (Classic Blues, Rock & Roll) at the Twin Brooks winery Gazebo concert. $10
• September 2 - The Jazzberries (big band swing) at Nissley Vineyard lawn concert, 7pm. $14.
• September 2 - Fast Eddie Jam Band at the Moon Dancer winery, just over the Susquehanna. 6-9pm, $10.
• September 2-4 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• September 7-24 - "Grease" at Fulton Opera House
• September 8-17 - York County Fair
• September 9 - 250th Grande Parade presented by Pfizer, 10:30a.m. - Broad and Cedar Streets. 70 floats, 17 bands, and 2000 marchers! Free.
• September 9 - Lititz Town Fair at Main Street, after the parade. Free.
• September 9 - 35th Annual Strasburg Heritage Day, 9am-4pm. Antique and craft fair with over 80 exhibitors. Free.
• September 9 - Hometown Day in downtown Lancaster, with sidewalk sales, live musical entertainment, county auction, and trolley rides. Free.
• September 9 & 10 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire: An Irish Gathering, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• September 9-10 - Pennsylvania German Folklife Festival in Schaefferstown. "Modest admission."
• September 10 - Loretta Lynn at American Music Theatre, 3pm. $67.
• September 10 - "Second Sunday" at Ephrata Cloister features behind-the-scenes tours in the un-restored areas of the Cloister. Reservations required.
• September 11-17 - Restaurant Week - 30 restaurants offer 3-course fixed-priced menus for $30.
• September 12–16 - Denver Fair
• September 13 - The Dixie Showboat Revue at Lancaster Host. Lunch at 11:30am and show at 1pm. Board a Mississippi Riverboat and enjoy an afternoon of familiar songs and energetic dances. $38.95
• September 15 - Albannach at the Moon Dancer winery, just over the Susquehanna. 6-9pm, $10.
• September 15–16 - 32nd Annual 7 Sweets & Sours Festival at Kitchen Kettle Village. This is what PA Dutch cooking is all about.
• September 16 - Sewn Placemats workshop. The placemats will use a bold pattern as the focal point and borders. 9am-3pm, $33. (Register by September 1.)
• September 16 & 17 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire: A Scottish Fling, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• September 17 - American Idols Live Tour at the Giant Center in Hershey. $38.75-$68.75, plus discount on HersheyPark tickets.
• September 17 - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones at American Music Theatre
• September 18 - JATA at the Moon Dancer winery, just over the Susquehanna. 6-9pm, $10.
• September 21 - Red Rose Day in downtown Lancaster. Shops hold sales, restaurants have discounts, and admission is free to the Lancaster Cultural History Museum and Quilt & Textile Museum for Lancaster County residents. Discounted admission on Lancaster's Walking Tours. 10am-5pm.
• September 23-24 - Harvest Festival at the Twin Brook winery, free wine tastings, hayrides, and more. Saturday concert With Big Package, $10
• September 23 & 24 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• September 24 - Pig Iron Fest at Chickies Rock County Park. Living history tours of the furnace ruins, live music, antique cars, and iron crafters exhibits.
• September 26 -30 - 88th Annual Ephrata Fair
• September 29 - Peter, Paul & Mary at American Music Theatre
• September 30 - Lancaster Arts Tour, 8:30am - 2:30pm. Driving tour of city murals, insiders tour of Demuth Art Museum and Gallery, behind-the-scenes tour of Fulton Opera House and presentation at Lancaster Quilt & Textile Museum. Plus, explore city art galleries. $29, advance registration required/
• September 30 & October 1 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. 11am-8pm. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.

October

• October 1 - Fall Country Music Fest in Long's Park. Cost to be determined.
• October 4-7 - Hershey AACA National Fall Meet (Classic Auto Show)
• October 7 - Lititz 5th Annual Chocolate Walk, 10am - 4pm. Purchase an official "Chocolate Walk" button and sample decadent delights while enjoying the beauty and shops of downtown Lititz. $10 in advance, $15 at the event. All proceeds go to charity.
• October 7 & 8 - Pumpkin Patch & Harvest Days at Landis Valley Museum. Pluck pumpkins, build scarecrows, and participate in cooking workshops. Over 80 demonstrators. 11am-5pm
• October 7 - Bluegrass Harvest Festival at the Moon Dancer winery, just over the Susquehanna. 2-9pm, $15.
• October 13 & 14 - Artisan's Porchwalk, show and sale of fine art and crafts, Saturday 10 am-5 pm & Sunday 10 am-4pm. Free to browse.
• October 14 & 15 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• October 13, 14 & 15 - Main Street Productions presents "Walk Down Main Street" in Lititz.
• October 27 & 28 - English's Country Corner Fifth Annual Christmas Open House - in the Old Stone Geitner House, built 1761. Free to browse.
• October 21 & 22 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• October 28 & 29 - Pennsylvania Rensaissance Faire, just five miles from Speedwell Forge B&B. $26.95; save $5 by ordering online.
• October 30 - Lititz Lions Halloween Parade at 7pm. (Rain date October 31.)

November

• November 24 & 25 - Black Friday Weekend in Lititz, with many stores open late.
• November 25 - Santa's Arrival and Party with Santa and Mrs. Claus at 8:30 a.m., Lititz Square. At 11 a.m., Santa and Mrs. Claus will be at Lititz Springs Park. Carriage rides available.

December

• December 1, 2 & 3 - Lititz Hometown Christmas in Lititz Springs Park. Tree lighting December 1.
• December 1-2 - Santa and Mrs. Claus at Lititz Springs Park, Friday 5-8 pm and Saturday 10 am - 4pm. Carriage rides available December 2.
• December 1-3, 8-10, 26-28 - Country Christmas Village at the Landis Valley Museum. Experience PA German holiday traditions, decorations, and food.
• December 8-9 - Santa and Mrs. Claus at Lititz Springs Park, Friday 5-8 pm and Saturday 10 am - 4pm. Carriage rides available December 9.
• December 9 - Lititz Woman's Club "Historic Tour of Homes", 10am - 4 pm.
• December 14 - Carol Sing at Moravian Church in Lititzm 7pm.  (717-627-4636.
• December 15-16 - Santa and Mrs. Claus at Lititz Springs Park, Friday 5-8 pm and Saturday 10 am - 4pm.
• December 16 - Christmas in Lititz Holly Ball - General Sutter Inn
• December 22-23 - Santa and Mrs. Claus at Lititz Springs Park, Friday 5-8 pm and Saturday 10 am - 4pm.
• December 30 - 250th Anniversary Commemoration of the First Moravian Christmas Eve Lovefeast - at Lititz Moravian Church.
• December 31, 2006/January 1, 2007 - New Year's Eve / 250th Last Night throughout Lititz.
• Holiday of Lights in Long's Park, a drive-thru display. $10 donation per vehicle, with all proceeds going to charity.

March 2007

• The Tour de Tanks wine tour (part of Uncork York) visits one of 10 family-owned wineries each weekend.

May 2007

• Enjoy the "world's largest chicken barbecue" at Long's Park. $7.

Lancaster with kids

I am in the process of updating the itineraries page on the web site, and wanted to share what I've got so far for family-friendly activities near us:

Right around us

• Wolf Sanctuary of PA (tours Saturday and Sunday at noon without reservations, any other time by appointment)
• Speedwell Forge Lake
• Speedwell Forge County Park
• The Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire
• Or just wander the farm, swim in the creek, fish (PA license required)

Unfortunately, I haven't found anyone near us who rents horses or kayaks. Bike rentals are available at the "Rails to Trails" bike shop in Elizabethtown (15 minutes away).

Within 20 minutes

• Wilbur Chocolate Factory, the Teddy Bear Emporium, and Sturgis Pretzels
• The Landis Valley Museum
• High Sports (go karts, miniature golf, batting cages)
• The Cornwall Iron Furnace, in Lebanon (built in 1742)
• The Moravian Church (built 1787) and Linden Hall (the oldest girls boarding school in America), both in Lititz
• Ephrata Cloister (established 1732)

If any dads want to get in a round of golf in the morning, the Iron Valley Golf Course is one of the most unique courses in the world, is about 10 minutes away, and has tee times as early as 6am.

Family-friendly restaurants (listed by distance, sort of)

• Lititz Family Cupboard in Lititz
• Brickerville Restaurant (lunch only)
• Pizza Palace on Route 322
• Cafe Chocolate, a 50's-style diner in Lititz
• General Sutter Inn (operated since 1764)
• The Cat's Meow in Manheim
• Fenwick Tavern in Lebanon
• Fiorentino's Italian in Lititz
• Oregon Dairy Country Restaurant in Lititz
• Scooter's in Lititz
• Olde Lincoln House in Ephrata
• Lily's on Main in Ephrata
• Reflections in Leola
• Tony's Mining Company in Cornwall

Route 30 is about 30 minutes away and has lots of great things to do -- Plain & Fancy Farm, Abe & Jessica's buggy rides, Amish Experience theatre, Dutch Wonderland, etc. -- but on weekends it is traffic central, and if you're on vacation the last thing you want is to be stuck in traffic with the kids.

That's another great thing about Speedwell Forge B&B -- we may not get a lot of drive-by traffic, but that means you'll never hear any traffic, either.

We're also a great base for exploring Hershey, Gettysburg, Longwood Gardens, Valley Forge, and even Philadelphia. Centrally located and near the PA-Turnpike, you could spend a week with us and every day in a different county!

If any locals want to make recommendations, post a comment or send me email and I'll be sure to include them. Thanks.

Rejected again

I got a call at 4:30pm today asking if we had any rooms available. As a matter of fact, all of our rooms were available. The entire rest of the county was sold out, and we were completely vacant! If I'd known it was going to be like this, I would have announced we were open three months before we were actually open.

Anyway, I gave him my spiel and he hesitated at the price, which is understandable because in my spiel I completely fail to mention that the building is almost 250 years old, listed on the National Register of Historic Places, and fully restored with all modern conveniences including central air, high-speed Internet, and free phone calls (local and national). I neglect to tell them we're on a 120-acre property on a creek between a lake, a county park, and a 22-acre wolf sanctuary. I skip over the antique furnishings, the authentic Amish quilts in every room, and the incredible crystal chandeliers. I never bring up the parlor, library, or game room for guest use, or the full three-course breakfast served on fine china in the morning. Of course he balked at the price; I would have, too.

But he and his wife decided to come by for a look, anyway. I asked where he was at and he told me 501 and Newport, which is only five minutes away. So while I'm giving him directions, I am sprinting upstairs and grabbing sheets and towels, because the room isn't made!

Of course I had cleaned the room (and bathroom) after the previous guests, but I hadn't put the linens back. They had just pulled into the driveway when I hung the last towel and spread the quilt on the bed. Dawn, meanwhile, had cleaned out the foyer by throwing everything into the kitchen. (We're slowly going through her grandparents' stuff in storage, so every day new stuff shows up in the foyer, and sometimes it stays there.) So we were both dressed in work clothes (Dawn had been scraping the floor in the Paymaster's Office while I had been installing lights along the driveway) and we were both dripping with sweat from our five-minute housecleaning exercise, and now we were greeting potential guests.

Oh, and I should probably mention my beard, which I started growing last week after my electric shaver died. Well, "beard" doesn't quite describe it, because it has grown in patches. I look like a burn victim.

So now I'm going through the spiel and this time mentioning the historic property, the parlor and library, etc., and every time the guests turn away, Dawn kicks me and tells me to offer them a discount. Instead I offered to "upgrade" them to the Summer Kitchen. To get there I can go through the foyer or the kitchen, and I chose the kitchen, not realizing that's where Dawn threw everything moments before: Shoes, paintings, tools, newspapers, boxes, you name it. So now this couple from New York city are in the countryside, on a farm, with two grungy people (one a burn victim) and a completely trashed kitchen, wondering if they should stay. Guess what they decided?

They were polite, though; they said they just weren't comfortable being so "isolated." Of course, most people come to Lancaster to get away from it all, and we pointed out we were just ten minutes from Lititz and Manheim, but they couldn't be swayed (and I still wouldn't offer a discount), so they left and we don't have any guests tonight.

But Kathryn's room is made, and if anyone wants to take it today (Sunday August 20), I'll give you a discount. :-)

Paymaster progress

Great news all around. The roofers, who said they'd be here at the end of the month, came yesterday. They are installing a roof on the privy and, as a side job, putting a gutter on the Paymaster's Office. The building inspector doesn't care about the privy but he does care about that gutter, so I'm happy it's being taken care of. (Plus we get more compliments on the copper gutters than probably anything else.)

Mike has already framed out the whirlpool bath, and Dawn has lined up Ralph Steech to do the tile work. (He also did the bathroom floors in the mansion and the whirlpool surround in the Summer Kitchen.). He'll be here in about two weeks.

Mike has also taken care of the cabinet that we were so worried about. Instead of milling beaded board paneling to match the walls, he installed some one-bys and you'd be hard-pressed to tell the difference. Matt got it painted before he went on vacation, so that cabinet is essentially finished. Now the hard part is building the kitchen cabinets to match, but Olde York Homes is already at work constructing those.

One decision we have to make is on the countertop. We had a large piece of granite left over from our kitchen island that would fit perfectly in the Paymaster's Office, but our contractor thinks it is too fancy and wants us to go with a plainer countertop. Normally I'd agree wholeheartedly, since Formica is a lot cheaper than granite, but in this case we already paid for the granite. Dawn is going to visit the granite guy to see if she can "trade" hers for a different piece, and make everyone happy.

Todd Auker, who restored all of the floors in the mansion, will be starting the Paymaster on Tuesday, and he's going to take care of the walls as well. (Since the walls are made of beaded board, it makes sense to have the floor guy work on them, right?) Not surprisingly, all of the contractors we picked are in high demand, and none more so than Todd, so we were surprised that he could fit us in his schedule so quickly.

However, Dawn had agreed to remove the linoleum off the floor before Todd came, expecting she'd have at least a week or two. Now she has four days, including the weekend. Plus the tar they used for linoleum back then is nasty stuff. Dawn has to literally spend hours on her hands and knees pushing a small putty knife along the floor, trying to get as much glue as possible without nicking the floor. It's slow, backbreaking work, and I'd love to help her but we only have one putty knife.

Darin at Village Glass is working on the windows, but we don't think we have enough old glass to finish them all. New glass would just stick out like a sore thumb -- wavy, wavy, wavy, clear, wavy, wavy -- but old glass is ridiculously expensive. (Small panes, I'm told, sell for as much as $40, and we have 6-8 per window!) If anyone knows of any glass sources (preferably dumpsters or houses slated for demolition), please let us know.

The mechanicals -- electric, plumbing, heating, and cooling -- are all roughed in, so the finish work won't take much time once everything else is ready. So the only real concern now for making our September 23rd deadline is the plasterer, as he hasn't confirmed a date yet. We're only putting plaster in the bathroom, and I'm not even sure why we're using plaster instead of just drywall. (I know our contractor is a purist, but it's just a bathroom!) But right now we're so far ahead of schedule, I'm not worried.

Watch those words come back to bite me...

Go Mike, go

Rejected

Hmph. My application to the local B&B association was rejected.

I'm not so much upset as just dumbfounded. I mentioned before that they have this bizarre hazing ritual: They wouldn't talk to us before we opened, after we opened they had eight people come to "inspect" us, then we had to go to a meeting, then we had to wait another month to get voted in, so it was going to be September before they let us in, anyway. Then today they sent me a rejection notice saying, "we feel you need a few months...before becoming a member." !

They did give us a list of recommendations before they'd reconsider us for membership, though:

• "Directions to B&B clear and accurate." I had an open house with over 500 people and only one person got lost. None of my guests have gotten lost. But the B&B association got lost, so apparently I don't have clear directions.
• "Adequate lighting in guest rooms." They got us on that one: Dawn's been rewiring her grandparent's table lamps, but didn't have them finished for the inspection. Now all of the rooms have bedside lamps, which is a AAA requirement, anyway.
• "Well maintained grounds." I have no idea what this referred to, because everyone who has visited has commented on how beautiful the property is. We were still working on the Summer Kitchen, so maybe there was some equipment around.
• "Written B&B information for guest." Again, not sure what they were referring to--maybe menus for local restaurants or something?
• "Fire extinguisher in kitchen and all rooms." This was the only item they brought up during the inspection, and I just pointed out that our township doesn't require it. It's probably a good idea to have an extra fire extinguisher--we do have one in the kitchen--but every room? Well, I guess then I could provide "written information for the guest" on how to use the fire extinguisher!

Anyway, I expected the local association to help us become a better B&B, not to tell us we're not good enough to join. They didn't even invite us to their annual picnic. :-(

Guest photos

A guest just sent some photos from her recent stay:

Bill's room


The parlor


Horses at a nearby farm


Esh Valley Quilts


A roadside flower shop


One of the two-year-old pups at the Wolf Sanctuary

Phase 3

As I've mentioned before, after sitting for almost 20 years, all of Dawn's grandparents' furniture was nearly ruined by the heavy summer rains of 2004. The Restoration Clinic, in Mechanicsburg, agreed to take it to their shop, but they couldn't do it the week we were in town, so we basically gave them a key to the mansion and told them to send us a bill.

We aren't normally that trusting, but what could we do? We couldn't stay an extra week, we couldn't leave the furniture until we came back, and we couldn't find someone else on such short notice. We were expecting them to take the chandeliers, the dining room set, and some of the upholstered chairs. Instead they brought a tractor-trailer and cleaned the place out.

But they took pictures and carefully catalogued everything. As Dawn and I went through the 200+ photos, we kept saying, "is that ours?" There was a green jelly cabinet from the attic that we had no memory of. There were old paintings that we'd never seen. There were crystal table lamps and mahogany dressers and upholstered chairs that apparently had just been background noise to us. Someone could have stolen all of this wonderful stuff, and we would have never noticed!

They gave us estimates for restoring each piece, and then we grouped everything -- "phase 1" we needed for the B&B, phase 2 we wanted restored but wasn't critical, and phase 3 were things we didn't want at all. (Phase 3 consisted of one thing: a massive empire chest that didn't go with anything, and which was in pretty bad shape. Dawn called several antique dealers and they didn't want it, either.)

Phase 1 came back a month ago--just before the grand opening--and phase 2 turned out to be very small (most of the items had somehow migrated to phase 1), so it didn't make sense to keep paying rent on the trailer for the phase 3 items. So last week Dawn and I rented a larger storage unit and a 26-foot U-haul truck. (Had I been driving, I'm sure this journal entry would be much more interesting, but Dawn took the wheel and the trip was uneventful.)

So now our storage unit is filled with stuff like an old vacuum-tube stereo, a rocking horse on springs, a pink upholstered "slipper" rocking chair, and a cast-iron pot-belly stove. Dawn spent several days moving boxes from our small storage unit into the larger one, and although she didn't find the rest of her grandmother's silver set yet, she did find her double-headed mink stoll in the bottom of a hat box. (If she asks, I didn't put it there.)

It's ironic that we have a 120-acre farm with a 200-foot barn, and we need to rent a storage unit.

Storms

Dawn announced, "The storms will be here in ten minutes." This immediately set off a panic because right now we're using the back porch as storage, workshop, and trash bin, and since it isn't currently covered, a storm generally means twenty minutes of running around putting everything away. Luckily, Dawn clarified herself before I made it to the back door: "The storm windows are coming."

We ordered these several months ago, but it took a while because we have 64 windows, and every one of them is a different dimension. We bought one-piece interior storms so they didn't obscure the look of the old windows, plus they have screen inserts so during the spring and fall we can actually open the windows without being deluged by insects. And believe me, on a farm by a creek there are a lot of insects.

In the mid-80s, California got spooked by the fruit fly and so sprayed (by helicopter) all of Los Angeles with malathion. As a result, LA has no insects. An occasional fly, perhaps, and some mosquitoes and little black ants, but that's about it. And while I think spraying an entire city with poison was a stupid thing to do, I have to say: I didn't miss the bugs. We'd take walks at night, or sit on the patio, or go stargazing in the hills, and never even thought about bugs. That's just how I grew up.

So imagine me one night about four weeks ago, up late working in the attic with the lights on, and I look out the dormer window and it is covered with insects: small gnat-like things flitting about, bright green cricket-type things, moths as big as my fist, and a myriad of other insects I couldn't even describe (and would prefer not to remember).

So you'd think I would have learned that lesson pretty quickly, but you'd be wrong, because the next night I was testing my wireless Internet connection and so I took my laptop outside to see what kind of signal I was getting. Imagine me, in the pitch black, in the middle of a field, bathed in the glow of the laptop. Now imagine me sprinting, in the pitch black, across a field, trying to shut off my laptop while a hundred billion bugs swarm around me. That's when I learned my lesson.

We did use this to our advantage one night, though, when I turned on some halogen lights on the front porch and was immediately surrounded by moths. There also happened to be a toad on the porch.

We fed the toad.

Summer Kitchen

Three weeks ago, they told me the Summer Kitchen would be ready in a week. Two weeks ago, they told me it would be ready in a week. Last week, they told me it would be ready in a week. I'd already turned away three people who wanted to stay there, and I wasn't going to turn down a fourth, so the 'drop dead' date was set for today, August 10th.

The contractors were supposed to give me a few days to get everything ready -- instead, they were still working when the guests arrived! Joel installed the door locks at 8pm last night, Mike hung the side door this afternoon, and Ben caulked the shower this morning. (Matt was going to paint the front door today but we stopped him. Fortunately Dawn had the primer tinted so it looks like they're painted.)

The place was a complete disaster: The shower was caked with plaster, the windows were covered in caulk, and the floor had paint splatters, but you couldn't see any of that under the half-inch of dust, so I announced it would be "no problem." Dawn just rolled her eyes. She does that a lot with me.

Last night we were up until midnight setting up the TV and furniture; this morning we attacked the rest. Dawn was on a ladder scraping the windows with a razor blade; Ruth* was downstairs trying to clean around the contractors, while I was upstairs installing Contact paper. (I hate Contact paper.) It took 3 people six hours, but we got out just as the guests were arriving. (Actually, we got out because Dawn told us the guests had arrived.)

Of course I'd forgotten pots, pans, plates, cups, trash cans, an alarm clock, and, for the fifth time in a row, a drinking glass. I did remember the coffee maker, but forgot the coffee. We waited until our guests went to dinner and then descended en masse to finish everything. The only thing we couldn't do was install the blinds because a) that would have been pretty obvious, and b) we needed to install the storm windows first. (The storms had actually arrived that afternoon, but since every window is a different size, it is going to be a few days before we figure out what goes where.)

Now here's the sad part: Our guests had been here during our open house three weeks ago, and we had cleaned up the Summer Kitchen then to make it presentable. Of course the paint wasn't finished and the cabinets weren't attached, the beds weren't made and the windows didn't open, the gas fireplace didn't work and the door handle was actually a stick of wood, but it looked nice. (Except for the door handle.) Unless they were taking notes, they probably didn't realize we did anything between then and now!

So the Summer Kitchen Suite is up and running, and is actually quite a bargain at $200/night. It is an authentic 18th-century stone summer kitchen, with a living room, kitchenette, dining table, bedroom loft, in-room whirlpool tub, separate shower, central air and heat, gas fireplace, and a lovely view of the farm. (Hey, did you think I was above a little self-promotion here?) Did I mention it sleeps four, with a queen bed upstairs and a day bed/trundle bed downstairs?

* Ruth attended the open house and afterwards wrote me a very sweet email saying how much she loved the house and if there was anything she could do to help, let her know. BIG MISTAKE...

The Summer Kitchen, 24 hours ago

Ghost stories

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't believe in ghosts.

However, I also can't explain why the electric fireplace in our room turns itself on at odd hours throughout the day. We thought it was the niece or nephew, or maybe some interference from one of the other remotes, but Dawn was lying in bed last night when it happened, and I wasn't doing anything, and nobody else was around.

I also can't explain why the door to my office is ajar every morning, even though I'm sure I closed it tightly. I know there is some reasonable, logical explanation and I refuse to attribute the unknown to something supernatural.

But for now I'll walk quickly through darkened rooms, and turn on all the lights where possible, and remind myself that it's an old house with a lot of idiosyncracies.

And a lot of history.

Failure

There comes a time, I'm sure, when every small business owner thinks to himself, "I don't know what I'm doing, this is crazy, I should get out of this business." For me, that was yesterday.

As I sat looking at a small mountain of bills, as I updated my web site to say I couldn't put the beds in the Boys' Room together (thus alienating 90% of my target audience), as I struggled to get wi-fi access through the stone walls, and as I thought about how much more it would take to get this place where I want it to be, I just despaired.

But then I overheard Dawn asking one of the guests how she slept, and that guest told her she was up at 4am, sitting in the window well and marvelling at how beautiful and peaceful it was, how the mansion was so inviting and comfortable, and that just brightened my day. I realized that all the sacrifices we'd made, the money we'd spent, the arguments we'd had, they were all worth it just to have one person come and tell us how nice it made them feel.

Of course, that was yesterday. Today I have three more loads of laundry and two bathrooms to clean; a shopping list a mile long and a to-do list that's even longer; my computer doesn't work and I smell gas when I turn on the oven; and it's 97 degrees outside with 80% humidity. Somebody else better come quick and tell me how nice it is again.

And bring their checkbook; that mountain of bills isn't going to go away on its own.

Jumping Rocks

It was a quiet day at the B&B. Sure, we had plenty to do, but we were 'between' guests and could take things at our own pace, so I was...uh...validating that our cable TV worked and the...uh...leather recliner was suitable for guest use, when Dawn wandered in and said, "Aren't the photographers coming tomorrow?"

I had completely forgotten! It was now 9pm, none of the beds were made, the bathrooms were dirty, and the place had devolved from our pristine grand opening into a mess of half-unpacked boxes and piles of "miscellany." I needed to organize the house and I needed to do it immediately. Instead, I went to bed.

Fortunately, they didn't come until two o'clock. The beds were just covered with quilts, there was a pile of boxes in the backyard, and the corner closets were stuffed with junk, but the place looked great for the photos.

In fact, it was a good thing I didn't clean everything, because the photographers moved everything around, stood in the showers, piled stuff in the sinks, made me set an entire table, poured six glasses of orange juice, and otherwise left chaos in their wake. That said, it was clear they had a flair for doing B&B photography, so we were quite satisfied, even after I spilled one of the glasses of orange juice down my shirt.

More importantly, though, I can't wait until we have some brochures and rack cards, so people know about us. Prior to the grand opening (and literally, just hours before the grand opening) all of my pictures had construction, destruction, or Dawn's grandmother in them. I only had three good photos, and the one on the web site and business cards was the back of the mansion. So I can't wait to have "real" photos.

The photographers even gave us a few tips: Buy fake rose petals (real ones stain sheets), put artwork in the guest rooms, and the fork goes on the left. (Hey, I didn't go to charm school, you know!)

Matt did not like my suggestion to climb a ladder and shoot the photo through the window.

Personal history

It's not every day someone comes to your door and tells you that 64 years ago he lived there, but that's what happened to us Sunday.

John Wolfe, now 80, was 6 when his parents moved to the mansion, and 16 when the Darlingtons bought it. His parents managed the farm, milking the cows and tending the vegetable gardens. In the winter they lived in the mansion, and in the summer they moved to the summer kitchen. In 1942, electricity had just been installed, but they still used the privy. He and his brother cut the grass with a horse-drawn reel mower.

They kept food in the spring house, next to the summer kitchen. (Many people have asked what that building was for and I said it wasn't a spring house because there was no spring--apparently it had just been buried.) What we call the "stallion pen" used to be the "bull pen," but there were horse stalls around the driveway (which was then a quarter-mile horse track). And he did confirm that the house Dawn was born and raised in used to be the pig pen.

In 1942 there were no silos or a milk house, and the "white house" (now a rental unit) was just a place to store tools. There was a fence around the mansion and the rose walk (which Dawn remembered as a child) was there before her grandparents. It was probably the most fascinating two hours I've ever spent talking to someone.

Unfortunately it was two hours that I was supposed to be getting ready for an inspection by the local B&B association. When they arrived, I still had piles of laundry throughout the house, I hadn't wiped down the kitchen counter, and (worse) I had a strip of fly paper by the refrigerator with 38 of the little bastards that had moved in during the grand opening weekend. (If it's any consolation, it was a Victor fly trap, which is a company based in Lititz, so at least I was supporting the local economy.)

I think they were impressed, anyway, but now I have to go to one of their meetings and then get voted in September at the earliest. (They wouldn't even talk to us before we were open.) I understand that as a co-op you want to be sure members are committed, but I also think you'd want to make it easy for people to join. That said, I also heard they had one B&B that had kitty litter boxes in the kitchen, so maybe it's not such a bad idea that they are a little discriminating.

John Wolfe promised us a picture of him with a team of horses in front of the old barn. The only other photo I have is from this 1942 newspaper article.