Travels with Alex, part 3

The 2006 "Road Rage" awards go to:

• Most bizarre road sign: Oklahoma, which posted "Do not drive into smoke." Apparently they thought this was very important, as they posted it regularly.
• Most cryptic road sign: Missouri, which just put one or two letters in a white box on every exit sign, such as "F" or "AA." I have no idea what they meant.
• Most obnoxious road sign: Texas, which "greets" you with a complicated grid to determine your speed limit, a $2,000 fine for littering, and (my favorite) a sign to tell you that it's a state law that you have to read all the signs.
• Most useless road sign: Illinois, which puts the signs to indicate what services are available at each exit on the offramp, so you have to actually get off the freeway to read them.
• Runner up is Ohio, which prohibits animals from using the freeways. Presumably you can take your animal on the freeway; they just can't go on by themselves. I wonder how many animals read the signs and realize they are being discriminated against.
• Worst roads: Oklahoma, by a long shot. Oklahoma also had the most road work going on, so hopefully they are making up for a lot of deferred maintenance.
• Prettiest drive: Arizona. Everything else was one long stretch of nothing.
• Busiest town after midnight: St Louis. Even on a Thursday night, the waterfront was bustling. St Louis also gets the award for most confusing traffic patterns.
• Most chain restaurants: Amarillo, Texas, which had about 30 of them concentrated in two blocks, plus the Big Texan, home of the "free" 72 oz steak. (It's only free if you eat all four and a half pounds, plus roll, salad, and shrimp cocktail. Angioplasty not included.)
• Worst radio stations: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, and Missouri. A combination of country music, religious talk shows, and Spanish music, repeated endlessly. I'm glad I brought 40 CDs; I wish I'd signed up for satellite radio.
• Worst food: McDonald's. It's been years since I tried to eat there, and I instantly regretted it. A large fry and cup of sweet tea, and I got my three-month's supply of salt, fat, and sugar. (Angioplasty also not included.)

I can't turn my head, I can't feel my legs, and I've put on about 17 pounds from the fast food, but I've covered 2,000 miles, with only about 800 remaining. It's 2:30am and I'm writing this from a freeway rest stop in Illinois, because I decided to skip the hotel tonight and press on to St Louis. I got lost -- seven times -- and ended up at 1am in East St Louis, on the other side of the river, which was completely deserted and still absolutely terrifying. But it had one of the best views of the arch, which was what I needed.

My alarm is set for 4:30am (2 hours from now) so I can get a nice early start. With any luck, I'll be in PA tomorrow night.